MOM TALK

YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND BOBBI CHRISTINA…

I had to take a few days sabbatical from life streaming…I didn’t abandon you.

My Mom got into a car accident last week that left her with a broken foot and will now be off of her feet for the next three months recuperating from surgery. This woman loves to work so being at home is torture.

Since she’s built like a little timbit she has to sit close to the steering wheel, so when the air bag deployed upon impact of the accident, it ended up really hurting her chest, making it painful for her to eat, walk or laugh now.  When I do make her laugh while she’s bed ridden, I consider it payback for making me her caregiver for the next three months.

Just call me Nurse Ratched since I will no longer get to openly masturbate while watching The Food Network in the middle of the day.

Note to self: Don’t just have one rotten kid, have two.
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MOM TALK

While I was cooking in the kitchen, I left my mom sitting on the couch with her foot in a cast, propped up in front of her surrounded by a pile of gossip mags to entertain her. I could hear her muttering comments about each celebrity as she flipped through the pages and then it suddenly got quiet. I went to check up on her and found her staring at a picture of Angelina Jolie.

YOKO
She’s beautiful, isn’t she?

MOM
Angelina Jolie is sooo beautiful.  There’s no comparison with Jennifer Aniston.  She is champagne and Jennifer is homemade wine. No wonder Brad left her.

YOKO
God, I hope nobody talks about me like that.

MOM
Just be happy you’re homemade wine. Fix my pillows.

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MOM
When you talk politics, you’re ugly. You get too intense. You’re cute when you’re funny though.
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MOM
How was your meeting with the drug councillor?  Was it worth leaving me here for two hours by myself?
Did you buy the bendable straws like I asked?
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MOM
Your cousin just brought over muffins. It’s the leftovers in her fridge from 3 days ago that she baked into muffins. Throw that shit in the garbage.
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MOM
I hope the nurse they send me is Filipino. They make the best nurses. When your father had is fifth heart attack, he only had one good nurse and she was Filipino.
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MOM
Life has changed for us.  We took for granted what we had.

Then we laughed for a good ten minutes….for soooooo many reasons.
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MOM
Wow, I never knew I had so many friends.

YOKO
Good, get one of them to go with you on a cruise, cause I don’t want to.

MOM
Shut up Yoko. Your coming. I don’t care. I don’t want to go with anybody else but you.
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MOM
Can’t you tell them that your mother is having surgery that day and you need to have the audition another day? Like come on! I’m sure they’d understand.

YOKO
I’m going to try and see what I can do- but somebody has to be there with you..I know.

MOM
Don’t worry, I don’t want to stress you out.  Your cousin will be there. Oh God…can you try and get there that night? She’s going to talk my ear off.
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MOM-ON SARAH PALIN

You know what will happen if that friggin’ woman get’s in? Al qaeda is going to take over the whole world.
I hate that woman. She’s the devil. I’m surprised no ones shot her yet?! Friggin’ crazy American.
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MOM
You are soo Canadian. So lazy. I have to keep asking myself, did I raise this kid? Who raised you?

YOKO
Keep it up and I’m going to put the stool softener pills the doctor gave you in every meal I serve.

MOM
I hate you.

Then we laughed for a good 4minutes..it’s all my mom could handle.

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MOM
We have eachother and that’s all that matters.
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God, I love this woman. I can’t live without her.

Never take anybody you love for granted. Especially your mama.

Love,
Yoko Sanchez
xxx