Dear Santa-Time for you to work your magic.

My favorite Seinfeld Episode. They Call It Cashmere.

Cue the music, it’s the final countdown ’til Christmas with one week left to go. I’m still slowly easing into the holiday madness by limiting my time in the mall shopping for presents. *Spoiler alert*  Everybody’s getting gift cards and Wonder Woman Pez dispenser’s. Cold and impersonal you say?
Nawww it’s given with love.. and who doesn’t like a candy filled Superhero Pez?

To avoid getting presents you don’t like I say you write your wish list to Santa and let him work his magic.
I mailed my letter to him a week ago but am posting it on the blog in case the letter end’s up in the hand’s of a horny Canada post mail man , collecting millions of letter’s in his basement apartment and replying back with cheeky innuendo and asking for bribes like….

Dear Yoko,
I will only show up with gifts if you promise me and my five friends bukkake.
Love Hairy Old Saint Dick
From The Semen Hut in Scarborough

Without further adieu, here is my letter to Santa…

Dear Santa;
I’ve been a nice girl with naughty thoughts for at least 9 ½ months out of the year, and I’m hoping that’s enough to get a good hard spanking from you and EVERYTHING on my Wish List. You’ve been known to pick only one or two item’s off the list in the past but I promise to leave you baklava and warm milk by my night stand this year.  I heard from Mrs.Claus that that’s your favorite treat.  Please wake me up so you are not eating baklava alone. Honey is messy and you will need me to clean you up properly. I wouldn’t want you to move onto the neighbours house with sticky fingers.

*Hey, it’s not bribing when a cute girl does it.*

Yoko’s Christmas Wish List to Santa Claus:

1. A new Hitachi back massager

2. A leather whip

3. A black Jesus night light

4. A leather face mask
5. A MAC workbook pro
6. Wonder Woman socks/flash light/ panties/watch/slippers/comics/keychain/cookie jar/clock/t-shirt/stickers/costume/bra/strap on dildo/invisble plane

7. A pink cashmere sweater (Small-I like it tight)

8. Oprah

9. An obnoxious big phat gold pinky ring

10. An American Passport/Visa so I can live the Canadian Dream

I have a good feeling about this list.

“When I was a little girl in Panama, a rich American came to our town and he was wearing the softest most beautiful sweater. I said, ‘What do you call this beautiful fabric?’ and he said, ‘We call it cashmere.’  I repeated the word, ‘cashmere- cashmere’.   I asked him if I could have it and he said, “No!  Get away from me!’  He started to walk away, oh but I grabbed onto his leg, screaming for him to give me the sweater and he dragged me through the streets and then he kicked me with the other foot and then he threw some change at me but ohhhhh I didn’t want the change Georgie, I wanted the cashmere. “

Being obligated to buy presents for people is part and parcel of the Holidays.
So give out of love or just  re gift that candle you got last year. We’ve all done it.

Merry Christmas-sending you all big fat holiday hugs!!

If you have a question for me or just want to send some love email me at and follow me on twitter!

Yoko Sanchez