GIRL TALK VOLUME 2

Sometimes, you just can’t make this shit up.
I give you GIRL TALK VOLUME 2

_________________________________________________________

GIRL 1
I saw this lady-she was beat up so bad, her eye was totally swollen shut. I was like, ‘lady, you can barely walk’. Like, when your homeless, it must suck. She must have a lot going on.
_____________________________________________________
GIRL 2
I lived with a man that didn’t fart. We lived together for 3 years and I never heard him fart once! I never trusted him. I can’t trust a man that doesn’t fart in front of me. It means’ he’s hiding stuff.
__________________________________________________________
GIRL 3
I went to a Japanese spa for my birthday. It was soo good. These Japanese women in their 50’s wearing black bra’s and underwear take you into a steam room and they scrub you front and back for two hours. I could have been there all day, let me tell you.
So, Tony called today from his sabbatical in India. He’s in the jungle and it’s dark and he was scared. The village feeds them and they have prayer time for hours. He called wanting to come home. I told him, ‘I will be mad at you if you come home. You are out there in the jungle, it’s not a hotel. Its a spiritual journey’. So he stayed. I mean, it’s insane out there.
I’m just happy because he’s suffering. There’s no women out there. I know where he is every night. He’s a prisoner.
YOKO
When does he come home from his sabbatical?
GIRL 3
December.
__________________________________________________________
GIRL 4
I can’t believe your leaving now that I’m a somebody.
_______________________________________________________
GIRL 5
You can either be an unpolished diamond, like the Tiffany diamond, full of black spots.
Or you can be a Birk’s’ diamond. They polish the diamond and polish the diamond until it’s flawless and there are no black spots. You need to keep polishing your diamond until you are flawless.
_________________________________________________________
GIRL 6

I have an ulcer. My stomach’s been bugging me for a while.

YOKO
Did you go to the Doctor and get checked out?

GIRL 6
Yeah, they took tests but they don’t know what it is. I think it’s an ulcer. I’m stressed.

YOKO
Try jube jube’s and semen. Don’t eat the green’s one’s though. They taste like shit.
(One day I will tell this bitch her man is gay and her dog is ugly. I’m waiting for the right time).
*GIRL 4 AND GIRL 6 ARE THE SAME.*
____________________________________________________________

GIRL 7
I’m such a whore Yoko. You don’t even know. After I was done with him, I slept with his friend.
You’d be so proud of me.

YOKO
I don’t care whose balls your licking. What are you writing?!!!!!!!!!!

GIRL 7
Nothing. I’m too busy being a whore. I love it.

YOKO
Fine. Do what you gotta do. But write something whore.
______________________________________________________

The more I listen to Girls Talk to eachother I realize, we are just here to make the planet a more beautiful place to live. If we show up wearing lip gloss and our bangs are cute, we can pretty much get away with saying anything-to anybody. I test that theory out on a daily basis.

Licking nutella off your girlfriends nipples,
Yoko Sanchez
XXX